And So the Adventure Begins...

Today I am 29 years old. I don't think I'm pretty nor do I think I'm ugly. Nothing to look at but nothing to vomit at. As a person, I'm also pretty insignificant. I'm not the funniest, the most insightful, the most adventurous, the kindest or the most clever but neither am I the most boring, close-minded, cowardly, hateful or stupid person. I'm not much overall to be honest. This has led me to wonder why, being as insignificant as I am, should I bother to be around? I'm not contributing anything to humanity, I'm not contributing anything to my friends and family, I'm just existing and what good is that?

Now, friends and family reading this you may disagree with me. In fact, most of you have when we've had this discussion in person. For a long time, I've shrugged this off as mere politeness or your discomfort at someone being so honest about their inner thoughts but I'm starting to think a little differently.

I'm starting to think there might be more to me than I think there is right now. I'm starting to believe that I can find a happiness in being myself, as mundane as I may be, and I'm interested in documenting the exploration of all that. I'm dedicating a year of my life to this exploration in the hope that on my 30th birthday I will wake up different, happier and potentially wearing my first ever bikini and not giving a shit about it! It may seem pretty selfish to dedicate a year of my life to me, an example of white privilege at its best, but to me, right now, I feel I have no hope of helping anyone else's situation if I can't help my own.

I want this exploration to involve other women, mainly because I have no idea what I'm doing, but mostly because I believe that discussion which inspires action is the only way to bring about lasting change. I want to talk to other women who have been on a journey with their bodies too from negative to positive in order to find out how you changed your outlook. I want to talk to researchers who work investigating body image, self-esteem particularly amongst women and I'd like to document all these conversations whether as an written interview or a podcast (any people with podcast knowledge are also welcome to contribute! Did I mention I have no idea what I'm doing?).

On top of that I want book, podcast, YouTube and Ted talk recommendations. I want your suggestions of classes I should take and I want you to set me challenges that you think might benefit me. I want anything you think will help me change my outlook of myself.

I want to talk. I want to change.

If you feel you can contribute in any of the above ways or you just have a suggestion for the project, please feel free to contact me. Friends and family feel free to just contact me the usual ways.

A

xxx