Musings on buying my first bikini....

It's happened. I have bought my first bikini. When I started this project I envisioned that I would be buying it closer to the end of the year when I was about to head off to wherever hot location I would be spending my 30th birthday in but recently I realised that if that's the first time EVER I wear it, or any bikini for that matter, there's no way I'll feel comfortable. It will be such a strange new experience for me that I'll just feel weird it and completely feel like I've failed the whole project.

So I decided to buy one now. A training bikini if you will. One that I can wear around my bedroom and get used to seeing the bits of me I don't like on show. Perhaps even sunbathe in the garden in it (If London ever gets sun) and just get used to my body being out there...

Photo taken from ASOS

It sounded like a great idea and then I started shopping for one. I decided to buy one online so I didn't have to deal with crying my eyes out in a public dressing room as I tried on bikini after bikini each more horrendous than the last. However, shopping online means you are confronted with pages and pages of BEAUTIFUL women all looking a million times better than you will ever look in a bikini. It was really hard to force my brain to imagine what I would look like in a bikini when a smiling Amazonian with perfect boobs and flatness abound is staring back at you but I tried.

The part I've hated the most when trying on bikini's in the past has been my love handles. Those sacks of fat either side of my hips that hang over any bikini bottoms like a sad ham so I decided to blank that out with a pair of high waisted bottoms with a ruffle. For the top I went with a halter neck as, oddly, I like my collarbone (I'm aware that's weird) and halter necks always seem to flatter that. The great thing I discovered while buying these was size guides. I was able measure myself in the comfort of my home and find the exact size that would fit me. That was very exciting.

When they arrived I was instantly a bit put off as I had subconsciously picked a 4th of July dream of a bikini. My recent trip to America was obviously playing on my mind. Unwanted patriotism aside though, both pieces looked quite cute. When I tried them on I was super happy with the bottoms. Yeah you could still see my wobbly, lumpy thighs but they looked comfortable and not squeezed into something too small. Both my stomach and love handles were hidden by the ruffle and high waist and the bottom of Amy looked like a beach delight. The only downside was that it completely covered my belly button and I feel what is the point in buying a bikini if I'm hiding my stomach and belly button away but I guess it's a start.

The top was not such an enjoyable experience. Once it was on my brain could only shout one thing – BACK FAT!!! Look at that back fat. EEEEWWWWW!!! I couldn't unsee it or put a positive spin on it so clearly there is still a way to go in this bikini journey but it does really feels like some progress has happened in my brain considering my reaction to the bikini bottoms. Onwards and upwards and soon I will be dancing around my bedroom like a wonderfully wobbly American dream.