Mirror, Mirror On the Wall... Please be nice.

Right the manic month has ceased. The calm winds of March have blown in and I have finally been able to catch my breath and reflect on everything I've been working on over the past month. My selfie project (taking one photo and one photo of myself only) has been going very well. I've been taking photos at different times of the day; in different states of face, mood and place and Im actually beginning to like it or at least forgive it. I no longer pick my face apart for my skin not being in good condition or my hair looking like I've done nothing but backcomb it with a brillo pad for years, but instead it makes me smile as I think about the memory or reason I took the selfie. I always see something I like and that's great. 

However, I would state that part of me feels this might be down to me also getting better at taking selfies. I never really took selfies before this project so any selfies I took before would never have looked good as I had no understanding of what angle to hold my face it or how light bounced off me.

Now that I do I like the photos more... but beggars can't be choosers and I have definitely made progression with accepting my face. Next step is to move below the neck and that means mirrors.

Mirrors are the devil.

Though I didn't always think so. In fact when I was a child I was fascinated by them. I used to cry in front of mirrors because I loved seeing all the weird changes that happened during a good cry (I never said I wasn't a weirdo.). As I got older mirrors became an enemy. A constant bully that just showed me how fat I was, how bad my skin was, how much I didn't look like the other girls so I stopped looking. I would avoid mirrors at all costs. When I got out of the shower, I would put a dressing gown on so I didn't have to catch sight of my fat rolls. I would do my make-up super quickly, kept my hair routine to a basic minimum and just did everything possible to minimise mirror time.

I found shop windows and parked cars stressful. Always showing me this girl who sometimes even though I liked how she looked from the front when she would turn sideways would turn into a grotesque hunched fat beast. Shopping was equally horrendous as trying on clothes was a nightmare. Tiny rooms and mirrors that made you look bigger, wider, shorter and then some dressing rooms with mirrors on all sides so I had the pleasure of seeing my fat arse consume an entire mirror behind me. Needless to say, mirrors are not my favourite. Starting this project I knew that I would have to address my relationship with mirrors and finally three months in I am taking the first steps.

When I started looking into the relationship between mirrors and body image, I found a lot of bloggers who recommended mirror fasting – avoiding using mirrors altogether for a week or upto a year or more. From what I've told you so far you can see that I've basically been mirror fasting since I was a teenager and it's just made me feel like my body is something that should be kept hidden or something to be ashamed of – quite the opposite to how I want to feel. So I've decided it's probably best if I tackle the problem head on and similarly to the selfie project just reassess how I look at myself in mirrors and the language I use in my mind when looking at myself ( a decision backed up by reading this article in the Huffington Post).

The first step with this was figuring out how mirrors work. This article from ExplainThatStuff.com is great for outlining all the science behind mirrors in a very clear way but basically, to sum it up, light is reflected off your body and bounces off the smooth, shiny surface of the mirror at the same angle as it hit it which your brain rapidly interprets and then BOOM! You see yourself in the mirror. Factors such as the amount of light being reflected, the shape of the mirror (flat or got a bend in it), the smoothness of the surface (dust or scratches effect this) all contribute to the image our brain puts together. Our position to the mirror also means that the image will always be different to the reality. For example, looking at a mirror you would say that the face in it is the same size as your face. However, if you drew a line around your face in the mirror you would realise it's actually half the size of your face and will remain half the size no matter how far back from the mirror you step. This does not apply to friends in the background! Why? What madness is this? Are mirrors out to get me? No, it's basically just because the mirror is always halfway between ourselves and our reflected selves but not halfway between our friends, us and the mirror. This blew my mind. This article in the New York Times explains it much better. I encourage you to read it.

Our brain, our self, will always have a slightly skewed image of our body as it exists because we are judging ourselves off a projected image rather than our solid form. Knowing this little smidge of science instantly meant that I started seeing myself differently in the mirror as well as in shop windows and cars. Basically it's all the lights fault that I look like a baby manatee in a coat. Doesn't mean that I'm actually a manatee in a coat.

The next step was changing the way I talked to myself when looking in the mirror. Instead of pointing out all the things that were wrong I have started to compliment myself on improvements or things that look well. So far I have done this for one day and it did not go well. I struggled to find the good and ended up just complimented facial features which defeated the purpose or moving off my face and onto my body. However, seeing the effects my mantra, the selfie project and the attempts to change my mind are having already I have no fear that I will conquer the mirror bully. It's just going to take time. I hope.  

Further Watching: 

This is a beautiful project which I discovered while researching mirrors. All humans should have a moment like this. Beautiful.